on August 4, 2009 by Eldar in Materialistic Theology, Comments (0)

In the Defense of the Intelligent Design Theory

Today I’d like to speak in the defense of the Intelligent Design theory. You know, the offshoot of creationism stating that animal species and humans did not evolve but rather were designed by the higher power.

Actually, I won’t speak as much in the defense of it, as to criticize the critics of the intelligent design theory. After all, creationists are believers, for them their Faith is a good enough argument, but their critics pride themselves in being logical, and that’s not what they do when it comes to criticizing creationism and intelligent design.

Let’s see, when they argue against the intelligent design theory, their main argument is: “Look at human body! There are so many ultimately stupid design problems in it, that it’s simply incomprehensible that it may be designed by an intelligent being!”

Do you see the assumption here? The assumption here is that intelligent beings cannot create stupid design. Have you ever used PC software?

See? When things like that happen, it’s no use to speculate that maybe some program or operating system evolved from a random set of bytes. It’s much better just go and ask those who did that design, and in many cases, they may just tell you what was the reason for doing it that particular way. Right?

Right. So, without much further ado, let me pass the word to somebody, who is highly qualified to answer that simple question: “Why human body design sucks?”

Allow me to present interview with none the less but St. Peter himself. I know, it sounds crazy, but here is what I will do. I am writing the question on the screen, and then I’ll try to serve as a medium. Hopefully, he’ll come and answer by typing it on my notebook keyboard? So, here it is, let’s do it!


* * *

Hi, guys, Peter is here. I get it, you have a question to ask, glad to help. Just a fair note, I don’t have much time, so let’s get straight to it. So, here is the question: (reading) Why human body design… sucks???

Ok, let’s clear one thing first, we don’t use that kind of the language up there. And, let’s be fair, human body is not that bad, actually, it’s great. I bet most of you enjoy your bodies most of the time, right? Of course right.

And look at the history. You know, when we first created this product, we had a vision: “Human for every bedroom.” Actually, that time it was “every bedcave”, but we run out of caves almost instantly. It was a hit! Consider this: now you cannot build enough bedrooms for every human! It was a runaway product. We were so successful, we were sued by hell for monopoly! And, you know, they’ve got all the lawyers…

So, first thing first, I disagree. Human body design is great. However, I admit, it’s not perfect. Hey, nothing in this world is perfect. HE (pointing up) is perfect, nothing in this world is, human body design included. However, there is a good reason for that. Let’s check a couple of common complaints or problems.

You probably sit a lot, and when humans sit a lot, they get health problems: back problems, neck problems, digestive problems, eyesight problems… you name it! Yes, these are all legitimate and serious issues. But you know what? Sitting was never a customer scenario!

I can tell you, there were three main customer scenarios for the human body.

Scenario #1: Human sleeping in African savanna, lying on the ground. Lying, not sitting. You know, there were no couches and chairs in African savanna that time, in fact, not that many couches are there today either.

Scenario #2: Human walks in African savanna picking up berries, insects and whatever he can eat. Again, walking, not sitting. And…

Scenario #3: Human tries to run from a jaguar in an African savanna. Again, running, not sitting.

Yes, yes, I know, jaguars are in Latin America, not in Africa. There is a good reason for that too. You see, the team that designed jaguar, frankly, kicked ass. So we just could not deploy both species in the same locale and had to push jaguars to another hemisphere.

Anyway, you see? There was a reason. Sitting was never a customer scenario! It was completely incomprehensible to think that you will be spending your lives sitting in front of those stupid electronic devices! Apparently, that’s what you do now, but that was not what you were supposed to do! And, yes, it creates problems, but what do you want us to do now? Guys, human body is now a legacy platform! Do you know what kind of compatibility problems will we have if we try to fix that now???

Another favorite example of evolutionists is that “eye thing” with the blind spot and nerves connected to the front of the photo-receptive surface instead of the back of it. Yes, it looks real stupid. But let me ask you one question: did you ever worked with a partner team? We did. We had one partner team delivering the photo-receptive surface, and another team delivering network cables. And you know what?

Network cable guys slipped their schedule!

So, what would you do in our place? It was a time driven release!

Yeah, the sixth day. We had to deliver human by the end of the day on Friday! Have you ever delivered anything intelligent by the end of the day on Friday?

Well, anyway, so we mounted the photo-receptive surface without the cables first, and then the test team found that the damn thing still cannot see! Then we pushed on the network cable guys, forced them to deliver, and then we’ve got a problem: how to connect all these cables without damaging the photo-receptive surface?

You should thank Gabriel. This guy is a genius! He put a small hole in the back of the eye and he wired all that cables through it without ever touching the photo-receptive surface! Thanks to him you have just one small blind spot in your eyesight, not a lot of elves’ footprints all over your vision area!

Oops… beeper, the duty calls, have to go. Anyway, really glad to help, love you guys, feel free to drop by any time… a-a… Actually, on a second thought, no hurry. See you in several decades, use them well!

* * *

Ok,… did I missed something? Oh, I see I did. Good! I hope you all see now why intelligent design is a completely plausible theory.

P.S. Kidding aside, I have a lot of respect to both believers and non-believers. IMHO, the noble quest of Christians to bring Love to people lives is only comparable to the noble quest of atheists to bring the Reason. We need both, we need both badly. Pity, both sides fail in their missions. Especially, when treating each other.

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